Yet, my biggest fear, rejection, came to the forefront when I began inviting others to join the team. I had somehow come up with the idea that if people weren't interested it reflected on how much they liked me as a person. Where that direct and absurd correlation came from, I don't know, but my worth was being measured each minute by the people who clicked "attending"
In my mind I was thinking, "Amiee if so-and-so does not attend then that means they don't like you." Through this part of the journey I was feeling like people/friends where making their decisions based off how they felt about me. In some weird way, I was gaining self-worth from the amount of people who wanted to join me on this adventure.
Well...God doesn't think like a self-absorbed girl like me. He doesn't care about any of the surface fears I had about my worth and personal self-image. God wasn't thinking about success through the number of people attending. To Him, success was when the right women stepped up to join this journey, all 5 of us.
Through prayer I felt God whispering the number 5 in my heart. I felt very strongly that if I was to take a group of women overseas into an unknown place, I had to have at least 5 people. Through my own selfish desire, I extended that expectation with a dash, between 5-10. I really wanted more women to join, solely because the more people who committed the more worthy I felt.
God provided exactly as he promised, 5 women. And God created a group that was exactly what was needed. The women He built this team with are spiritual women of God. They all have different qualities that make them special and important to this team. I look back on my fear of rejection and realize that this team is perfect the way it is. Perfect size, perfect blend, perfect everything. Had more women come, ones God did not call to this adventure our team would have suffered.
I am reminded of the scripture from Philippians 4:19 where it says, "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." I have to remember that God will take care of me. He would not have placed this trip on my heart if there wasn't a team already in place to go. Because of what Jesus did I can walk confidently and know that I will not be forgotten or rejected.
Now that our team is built and we are growing in our Lord, I realize that God's plan for this journey was done. I heard someone once say that when God calls you to something all the planning and details are done. So why worry about the process if I know God has already set up all the details? I was worried people wouldn't want to join me and be apart of this, but what I forgot was that God had already called those women to serve. It had nothing to do with how much I was liked, or how many friends I had. It was about God doing the work He had desired, not my worthiness.
I want to stop assuming that outcomes are based upon my popularity. The truth is, outcomes are based off the Lord's plan and the desire of His followers to listen and commit. God planned for this trip far before I got involved. So to think I would be the reason others would join is selfish and takes away God's glory. Now I know that nothing is about me, it's all about Him. Thank goodness!
Through prayer I felt God whispering the number 5 in my heart. I felt very strongly that if I was to take a group of women overseas into an unknown place, I had to have at least 5 people. Through my own selfish desire, I extended that expectation with a dash, between 5-10. I really wanted more women to join, solely because the more people who committed the more worthy I felt.
God provided exactly as he promised, 5 women. And God created a group that was exactly what was needed. The women He built this team with are spiritual women of God. They all have different qualities that make them special and important to this team. I look back on my fear of rejection and realize that this team is perfect the way it is. Perfect size, perfect blend, perfect everything. Had more women come, ones God did not call to this adventure our team would have suffered.
I am reminded of the scripture from Philippians 4:19 where it says, "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." I have to remember that God will take care of me. He would not have placed this trip on my heart if there wasn't a team already in place to go. Because of what Jesus did I can walk confidently and know that I will not be forgotten or rejected.
Now that our team is built and we are growing in our Lord, I realize that God's plan for this journey was done. I heard someone once say that when God calls you to something all the planning and details are done. So why worry about the process if I know God has already set up all the details? I was worried people wouldn't want to join me and be apart of this, but what I forgot was that God had already called those women to serve. It had nothing to do with how much I was liked, or how many friends I had. It was about God doing the work He had desired, not my worthiness.
I want to stop assuming that outcomes are based upon my popularity. The truth is, outcomes are based off the Lord's plan and the desire of His followers to listen and commit. God planned for this trip far before I got involved. So to think I would be the reason others would join is selfish and takes away God's glory. Now I know that nothing is about me, it's all about Him. Thank goodness!
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