Am I Worthy?

I am a very insecure person. I often times catch myself wondering why God would trust me with important parts of His kingdom or plan. To me, I am not worth enough to be considered for such special privileges. This insecurity has always been a battle of mine. I know these insecurities come from a place of rejection. Being rejected by people I deemed, "important" in my life has caused me to question if I am really worth it.

Why did he leave? Was she really my friend for the right reasons? I put so much of myself into certain relationships, that when I was rejected I crumbled. I know all of us face rejection in our life. And to some degree that rejection comes from people we love and invest a lot in.

So, when I felt called to put this missions team together, I was completely dumbfounded. Why would God give me such an awesome and important task? I am a mediocre teacher, with a simple life. I always wanted to be the popular kid. The one chosen first during sports games. But, I always felt invisible. Even when I put myself out there, I was still "not good enough." Why then, would God chose me? Why would he give me such a great task to lead and be apart of?

As this team has progressed I realized one very important thing, my popularity with God has nothing to do with this earth. To God, I am His most precious possession. With my faith I have never been picked last in the eyes of Him. He knows my heart and my needs and fulfills them everyday. So, then why do I allow this earth to dictate my worth and confidence?

This journey has reminded me that my worth comes from the Lord. He chose me to lead this experience because I WAS his first choice. He didn't ask others before me, He asked me.

Human relationships seem to have more clout than the one we have with God. Our human experiences shape who we are. I want to challenge myself to look to God when shaping who I am. If I looked to God and His relationship with me, to find confidence and worth, than I would feel capable of accomplishing anything.

I know why God picked me for this journey, because I was his best choice. When we delight in the Lord our confidence on this earth multiples. Our worth in ourselves flourishes. God loves us unconditionally. There is no rejection in this relationship, just eternal love.

I need to remind myself that who I am comes from God and not from experiences on this earth. Human error should not determine how I feel about myself. If it did then I would be completely paralyzed by the mistakes made by me and to me.

At the end of this trip my prayer would be that I can overcome my insecurities, let go of past rejections and hurt, and delight in the Lord's love for me. All that matters is that God loves me completely. No matter the hurt I feel by others I need to remember that God is my forever. If He's the one I am spending eternity with, shouldn't I be more focused on what He thinks?